by 
The BBC has announced that there will be no punishment for popular weather presenter Carol Kirkwood’s use of the phrase ‘hot as fuck.’
She used the phrase during an outside broadcast on a hill in central London this morning in response to a question from colleague Charlie Stayt.
“And now to Carol for the weather,” said the unerringly accurate Stayt.
“Carol, it looks a bit warm where you are?”
“That’s right Charlie,” she responded chirpily.
“It’s hot as fuck.”
“I’m sorry?” replied a visibly shocked, yet still entirely professional Stayt.
“Hot. As. Fuck.” She repeated, forcefully.
“Bastard hot. Shitting hot. Hotter than Satan’s balls. So hot, if you threw an egg in the air it would fry before it landed. So hot that if you go outside, you’ll catch fire, then melt and die. It is abso-fucking-lutely fucking hot as fucking fuck.”
“I see,” stammered Stayt.
“Um, so is there any detail on the forecast for-”
“No. Hot as fuck. Probably some rain in Scotland and the North, I mean, I haven’t checked but it’s a fair assumption. Now, balls to you lot, I’m going to get off this God-forsaken blasted bastard heath and try and find somewhere in this hellish landscape with air-conditioning and a decent supply of Soleros.”
She then dropped the mic and stalked off muttering about being a proper scientist, not a performing puffin.
The BBC has issued a statement saying there would be no sanction for Miss Kirkwood because “after an investigation, we have discovered that in London this morning, it was indeed hot as fuck.”
I’m fine, this is fine – get the burning Earth T-shirt here!
