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The Penny Mourdant campaign for the Tory leadership contest has been knocked off course following revelations that she favours being nice to people.
A series of newspaper articles over the weekend revealed that Ms Mourdant favours being nice to trans people, refugees, gay people and people of colour.
“I’m not sure about her now,” explained Simon Williams, a Tory Party member from Upper Bottom in Wiltshire.
“I quite liked her last week. She was a breath of fresh air, and those pictures of her in a swimsuit made me feel funny in my tummy.
“But this whole being nice to people thing. That’s not why I vote Tory. Refugees should have their boats sunk, trans people should be locked away, gay people are only acceptable presenting light-entertainment shows and we should send all the blacks back to Russia.”
The momentum behind Mourdant seems likely to tail off now in favour of Liz Truss and Kemi Badanoch, who both favour being incredibly unpleasant to as many people as possible.
“Speaking as a Tory, I want a candidate who can make life as horrible as possible for anyone who isn’t me, and possibly my wife,” continued Mr Williams.
It is thought that the Mourdant team, in order to counter the revelations, will announce plans later today to punch all asylum-seekers in the face and set fire to Brighton.
