Girlfriend’s feet somehow still cold

Local girlfriend Simone Williams somehow still has feet like blocks of ice, it has emerged this morning.

Her feet, which you are going to feel whether you like it or not because she’s going to try and warm them on your legs at two o’clock tomorrow morning, are indeed chilly despite it being thirty-seven de-fucking-grees.

Further reports suggest her toes are ‘freezing’, ‘bastard cold’ and ‘feel them again’.

All efforts to show her the thermostat, weather forecast, or any news source to demonstrate the thermodynamic impossibility of chilly tootsies at the moment are doomed to failure, experts have confirmed.