Warning that heatwave could lead to months worth of tedious conversations in just 24 hours

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With a significant heatwave about to hit the UK, the number of monumentally boring conversations about the weather are expected to reach record levels.

People working on supermarket checkouts or in newsagents will be amongst the hardest hit with questions such as ‘Blimey it’s a bit hot isn’t it?’ and ‘You’d probably like air conditioning here, right?’ predicted to continue well into next week.

Weather forecaster Simon Williams warned that it could be August before there are any signs of an improvement in weather conversation quality.

“I would urge people to be prepared and don’t leave home unless you have absolutely to,” he said.

“Not because it’s so hot, but because there’s a high possibility that someone you don’t really know will spend up to an hour telling you how they’ve never seen heat like it before.”

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The latest dull chit-chit warnings follow the UK’s worst outbreak of unimaginative discourse since records began in 1910, according to provisional Met Office figures.

With severe heat to continue well into next week, there is no immediate end in sight for the banality.

Williams concluded, “Indications are that it could be months before people start moaning about it being too cold.”