Friday 15 July 2022

Voting public excited to learn that new round in Tory leadership contest will involve giant doll


Tory leadership campaign

The next round of the Tory leadership election has left the voting public breathless with excitement after a giant doll was revealed outside Tory HQ.

As the battle for number 10 was whittled down to the final five contenders, voters have said they will definitely tune in to watch Penny Mordaunt shift uncomfortably under the eye of a giant machine-gun wielding doll who just asked her a question about her military experience on the ‘battlefront’.

“I would watch the absolute shit out of that,” said Simon Williams, a voter from Basingstoke.

“Imagine Rishi Sunak being asked about his wife’s tax affairs knowing the doll is watching?

“I like the idea of any candidate found to have told a lie, or muttered any form of mistruth, being fired upon by an extremely powerful automatic weapon.

“I can’t help but think it will focus their minds somewhat. Waffling would be reduced to a minimum and I think we’d finally get some honest answers.

“Or we’d get the bodies a five Tory MPs carted off in a wheelbarrow. Win-win.”

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