Liz Truss, Foreign Secretary and convincing human being, yesterday managed to successfully arrange the features of her face into a state that resembles a human smile.
The process took just over an hour, and she was able to maintain her facial state for several minutes before the effort became too much and her face reverted to the standard empty, blank imitation of a human face.
“We’re really pleased with this,” said Simon Williams, a human member of the campaign for Liz Truss to become Prime Minister.
“It took an hour to get her face into a state that looked convincingly like a smile. Which is a long time, yes, and it’s not ideal. But what you’ve got to realise though is that none of us were even sure that her face was able to do that at all. Now we know that it can do that, we can build in time into its schedule to create a smile.
“Sorry, her schedule, not its schedule. Slip of the tongue. She’s a normal human being doing normal human things.
“And, I mean, this was the first time she’s ever been able to perform a smile. Of course, that’s going to take a while. But we can work with her, practise and we might be able to get that time from blank face to smile down to 40, even 30 minutes.”
Despite the progress the team has made with Liz Truss smiling, getting Liz Truss to empathise with people could prove trickier after she was heard asking “why are those humans’ ocular organs leaking?” as she passed a grieving family.