Liz Truss launches Tory leadership bid by promising to cut taxis

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The Foreign Secretary won’t be outdone by her competition as she pledges to get the economy going by reducing taxis.

Minister of Fancy Dress Liz Truss is trying to become Prime Minister. 

Don’t laugh – there was a time when you thought that buffoon Boris Johnson would never make it to Number Ten.

“You should vote for me because I’m brilliant!” said Ms Truss.

“I’m going to make the economy brilliant! I’m going to cut taxis – this will make people drive growth because they won’t be able to call a cab for their growth.

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“Cutting taxis will also mean buses will all need to become double deckers, or even triple deckers! That’s loads of levelling up. So that’s brilliant, too!

“Having no taxis will also mean lower crime rates as nobody will be able to steal a taxi or run off without paying their taxi fare. So crime rates will be really brilliant!

“And I’ll also solve the NHS crisis because hospitals will only contain the patients that ambulances deliver. At the moment, people who can’t get an ambulance are getting taxis and that’s why the hospitals are too full. When I’m in charge they’ll just die peacefully at home.

“I can’t wait to be Prime Minister, it’ll be brilliant!”

Tory MP Simon Williams is endorsing Liz Truss.

“Think about it,” he said. “If she becomes PM, she won’t be Foreign Secretary anymore. Therefore, she won’t be the one in diplomatic meetings. 

“That significantly reduces the risk of our nuclear annihilation.”

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