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Liz Truss has set out a bold new campaign pledge to murder everyone under the age of 40.
The pledge is designed to appeal to the core membership of the Tory party, several hundred insane old men who think the war was an absolutely brilliant laugh.
“The problem with this country is that there are far too many people under the age of 40,” explained the Foreign Secretary.
“Research shows they are more likely to vote Labour, favour the EU, be tolerant of immigration, and have far less time for the absurd culture war bullshit that decent Tory folk favour over actually governing the country.
“As such, I pledge to murder them all.”
The pledge appeared to have the desired effect on the membership.
“Bloody marvellous,” explained 245-year-old Lord Simon Montegu-Williams, a former slave trader who owns Wiltshire and has been a Tory party member since the party was formed in 1834.
“Sick to the back teeth of these young fools who think that tolerance, kindness and decency are the recipe for a better society when we all know that what everyone really needs is a damn good thrashing.
“If this young Truss women has the courage to have them all murdered, then that’s someone I can get behind.”
Rumour has it that this is only the first of many pledges to appeal to the base that include returning to the feudal system of the Middle Ages and and demanding that France adopts English as its official language..
