With her leadership bid expected to be announced imminently, Priti Patel is making the final edits to the accompanying video, according to those unlucky enough to be close to her.
“After seeing the videos of my contenders I can see they’ve cynically pandered to the British public’s evident love of flags,” she told a terrified aide, “so naturally I will need to not only do that as well, but to up my game to the next level.
“The question is, should I have a balance of Union flags and Swastikas, to convey the general theme and intention of my premiership, or should I lean more in favour of one than the other?”
She explained, “One represents the Conservative Party’s current cabinet and their values to a T, and the other is the Union flag.
“I think if I have a happy mix of the two then that means all bases of the Tory membership will be covered, and to be honest, at the end of the day if they don’t like it they can bugger off to Rwanda, the ungrateful bastards.”
It is not known what Priti Patel’s leadership video entails, but political experts have warned the public to brace themselves for near record levels of smirking.
Little Miss Evil – get the mug here!