Shakin’ Stevens’ Ole House condemned

author avatar by 2 years ago

Shakin’ Stevens’ Ole House has been condemned by the local council and is set for demolition.

The condemnation notice cited broken shingles, floor, window panes, unoiled hinges. General shakiness, age, leaks in both walls and ceiling, susceptibility to thunder and storms, general groans and trembles and being both feeble and tuckered out.

“Well, I’m disappointed, really quite sad,” said Mr Stevens.

“I mean, I remember when this ole house once rang with laughter and heard many shouts. It was a good house, you know? I don’t know. It does seem a shame.”

However, the local council have stood by their decision to condemn the ole house.

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“We had been in contact with Mr Stevens about his ole house for a number of years. We suggested that it could possibly be saved if he fixed the shingles and floor, oiled the hinges, and mended the window panes but Mr Stevens maintained that he ain’t got time to do that.

“As such, we have condemned the ole house and issued a notice for its demolition.”

It is thought that the ole house will be replaced with a small block of much-needed affordable housing.

Mr Stevens has accepted the decision and will make his permanent residence in his house with the green door.

“I mean, I’m not telling you what goes on there, but it’s definitely a lot more fun than the ole house,” he confirmed.

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