‘I’ll eat anything!’ soon to be unemployed Nadine Dorries tells TV producers

author avatar by 2 years ago

Nadine Dorries is desperately offering to further debase herself on television because she knows that when Boris goes she will no longer be able to play dress up as a Cabinet Minister.

She might look like a Mr Kipling French Fancy but Nadine Dorries is nowhere near as intelligent as one. Boris Johnson is going to resign and that means the Culture Secretary will definitely lose her job. 

“This stupid country doesn’t deserve Boris anyway!” slurred Ms Dorries. 

“I actually don’t want to be a minister in a stupid cabinet led by some other poxy Prime Minister who might be concerned with the truth and expects their team to know stuff. It’s just not something that interests me.

“I’m actually planning to go back into television. So if any producers are listening to this – I’m prepared to put absolutely anything in my mouth for the sake of entertainment. 

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“Anything. For cash, obviously. But anything.

“Alive, dead, animal, vegetable, mineral – anything.

“I’ll chew, I’ll swallow, I’ll spit – anything. Anything you want.

“I’ve even got a few ideas for new formats based on me:

“Nadine Dorries eats random medicines.

“Nadine Dorries licks the pavement.

“Nadine Dorries drinks bleach.

“Or how about a travel show – Nadine Dorries eats genitals from around the world.

“Call me! Anything!”

In a statement, Channel Four’s Chief Executive said, “I think I speak on behalf of the entire TV industry when I say to Ms Dorries – F**K OFF!”

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