Boris Johnson pretty confident everyone will have forgotten about this whole ‘resigning’ thing by September

author avatar by 2 years ago

Boris Johnson is confident he can remain as the Prime Minister indefinitely, due the goldfish-like nature of the collective consciousness of the British voting public.

As Boris explained to his inner circle, “Sure, today, we can talk about resigning. But I talk about a lot of things. I can stand out side Downing Street and say I’m going, but again, I say a lot of things.

“I am confident that a couple of months from now, after my new cabinet have introduced some popular tax cuts and bribed the electorate in a few other glaringly transparent ways, voters will start to worry about someone new coming in.

“Then all I have to do is get a few people to nominate me, and Bob’s your uncle as the proles say. Rather than working under the sword of Damocles, it will be taken down and used to knight me as the new leader reborn.

“The nation will forget all about me being forced to resign, and will once again feel comfort knowing they are under my charge. A bit of sunshine, a few extra pennies in their pockets and they’ll feel much better about everything – me included.

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“And if anyone tries to point out the resignation I just made on live television, I will merely explain that my fingers were crossed so it didn’t count.

“But I will not forget, I will not forget anything. Not a single minister who publicly resigned to force me out will be forgotten.

“Not a single one of them.”

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