Tuesday 5 July 2022 by Chris Ballard

Priti Patel orders police to shoot anyone driving slower than 50mph in new law inspired by the film ‘Speed’


Priti Patel fuel protests

The Home Secretary is tackling go-slow fuel protests with a new law that ensures anyone dropping below 50mph is instantly killed.

With rolling 30mph roadblocks causing chaos on Britain’s roads, Priti Patel has been inspired by the 1994 action movie ‘Speed’ and has come up with the perfect solution.

“Whenever a vehicle reaches a speed of 50mph a new law will be triggered,” explained the Home Secretary.

“If that vehicle subsequently drops below 50mph then police marksmen will immediately kill the driver and any passengers.

“This is completely just and fair, much like all my other ideas.”

Critics have pointed out a number of flaws with the new law. 

“Drivers may wish to slow down for any number of reasons,” said AA boss Simon Williams.

“Perhaps they need to stop at a services for a wee, or maybe they’ve simply arrived at their destination.

“Conversely, protesters deliberately driving slowly probably wouldn’t trigger the 50mph limit in the first place.

“All this new policy will do is cause needless deaths on the UK’s roads.”

But Ms Patel said that it’s important to focus on the big picture.

“Individual lives are not my concern,” she said. “This law will tackle two major problems.

“Firstly, speeding will no longer be the biggest killer on our roads – police snipers will be.

“Secondly, our transport infrastructure will return to levels of perfection as go-slows are rendered fatal for the participants.

“I’m now hoping that other films will help me to solve other issues such as the scourge of illegal immigrants.

“I’m watching Schindler’s List this evening – apparently it’s really good.”

Little Miss Evil – get the new Priti Patel Mug here!

Previous post:

Next post: