Nadine Dorries announces plans to sell off failing Netflix

author avatar by 2 years ago

Nadine Dorries, Minister for Eradication of Culture, has announced a plan to sell of the failing streaming service Netflix.

“Falling subscription numbers, lower viewing figures. It’s time we admit that that Netflix isn’t doing as well as it used to,” she said, shortly after enjoying some culture, as she does on a daily basis.

“By selling it to a private company, we could reinvigorate the business and provide some much-needed funds for the treasury.”

Ms Dorries denied that her decision to sell off the company was motivated by not really understanding the latest series of Stranger Things.

“That’s not true. I must admit that I was a little confused when Eleven went all young again, but I’ve discussed it with friends and have since learnt that it was using a technique called ‘flashback’.

NewsThump Hoodies

“No, my reason for selling off Netflix is solely to help it survive and thrive in the face of a rapidly changing media landscape.”

However, Ms Dorries’ plans have been criticised by some industry-insiders who have pointed out that Netflix is a private company based in the US and the UK Government is in no more position to sell it off than it is to sell off Stark Industries.

Dorries countered, “Typical woke, snowflake leftist nonsense. They just want to hold business back.

“Now, what was the name of that company? Stark Industries? I should look into selling that off.”