Entire nation settles in to watch government collapse

Everybody has cancelled their plans, grabbed some popcorn and turned on the news this evening.

With Sajid Javid and Rishi Sunak resigning in quick succession, everybody is sitting in front of the telly to watch a good, old-fashioned government implosion.

“Lovely,” chuckled Simon Williams, cracking open a bag of revels in front of Boris Johnson’s sad face.

“I’ve been waiting for this for months. For people like me who prefer politics to football, it’s the equivalent of watching Man City lose a match.

“I’ve heard Nadine Dorres is next. Imagine a circumstance where you’re unhappy to see her go? That’s Boris right now. Heh heh.”

Downing Street spokesperson, Hayley Rice, said, ”No, we’re not worried“ while scraping her personal belongings into a large box.

“I’m not anyway, I’ve resigned. If I’m quick, I think there’s a spare seat in Rishi’s car.

“Viva la coup!”