The government is set to announce that school meals are to be replaced with pictures of school meals in a move that is expected to save several million pounds a week, or two CEO bonuses.
“Pictures of school meals will provide all school children with a clear view of what a healthy, nutritious meal looks like,” explained Health Secretary and professional lickspittle Nadhim Zahawi.
“Using pictures of food instead of actual food, we be able to provide a far wider variety of meals than we are able to at present, this will include halal meals, vegan meals, clown meals, cannibal meals. Almost anything at all. All children will be catered for. All for a fraction of the cost of the current school meal system.”
The pictures of meals will be provided as high-quality prints from a top-of-the-line Canon ImageRUNNER Advance. Students can choose from thousands of meals and print off both a main course and pudding in seconds before taking the pictures to a communal area where the can discuss their pictures of meals with classmates.
Simon Williams is a pupil at Hogwarts School.
He said, “Umm. Okay. Are we allowed to eat the pictures of meals at all? I get pretty hungry at lunchtimes.”
If the scheme proves successful, then the government already has plans in motion to replace some teachers with pictures of teachers and ultimately to replace whole schools with pictures of schools.