A man who once sang that he believed he could fly, now actually believes he could die, in a prison cell at some point in the next thirty years.
R Kelly, who spent years using his celebrity status to sexually abuse children and women, found out he could no longer fly yesterday after being sentenced to 30 years in prison, where he will most likely die instead.
A spokesperson for the singer confirmed, “Yes, he doesn’t believe he can fly anymore.
“Unfortunately for Mr Kelly, he has gone from believing he could fly to now actually believing he could die, in a 10-foot prison cell and never see the light of day again as a free man, for the disgusting crimes he committed.
“Whereby he used to think about flying every night and day, he will now be thinking about absolutely fuck all other than not being abused in the showers and how exciting his next prison meal might be.
“Whilst Mr Kelly is set to appeal the sentence, it does appear that due to a complete lack of remorse towards his many many victims, it does appear that he will not be flying anywhere anytime soon”
“And the only ‘Bumping n Grinding’ he will be doing with be entirely unwelcome on his part.”