Boris frantically hunting for fag packet on which to scribble new ‘policies’ in wake of election defeats

author avatar by 2 years ago

Comedy Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his assistants have spent the last few hours frantically searching for a fag packet on the back of which to scribble some hastily cobbled-together new policies that he can announce next week and a desperate effort to ‘move on’ from his latest catastrophe.

“For some reason, no one’s got a fag packet,” said an aide who’d accompanied Boris Johnson on his trip to Rwanda.

“So, it’s impossible to record and develop the exciting new policies that PM is currently coming up with.”

Without the policy fag packet, things are reportedly becoming chaotic.

“It is a bit of a mess,” continued the aide.

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“Boris is just running around shouting ‘free hats for everyone’, ‘Immigrants have to change their names to Nigel’, ‘Brexit only more so,’, ‘bring back powdered egg’ and that sort of thing, and they’re just getting missed.

“I’m sure he said something earlier about statues or something, but without a fag packet to scribble the policy down on, we’ve lost it.”

A series of events and speeches have been arranged early next week to allow the Prime Minister to announce his half-baked ideas that will, as everyone now knows, never come to fruition.

However, without the back of a fag packet to read his new ‘policies’ from, it is uncertain if the events will actually go ahead.

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