Jerry Hall and Rupert Murdoch are to divorce, just six years after their surprise marriage, following the devastating news that Rupert Murdoch remains fit and well at the age of 91.
In a move that has shocked absolutely no one, the former model has decided to call time on her relationship with the elderly man who shows no signs of dying any time soon.
Hall told our source, “When you marry an 85-year-old billionaire, you don’t do for the long term. You do it with one eye on the future, when, you know, they won’t be here. But Jesus H Christ if this guy isn’t fucking immortal.
“He’s healthier now at 91 than he was the day I married him at 85, and frankly, I’m not getting any younger. I will be 66 next month, and at this rate I could be well into my 70s before Rupert pops his cloggs.
“I really can’t wait that long. I’m into the last of my prime years, and I can’t waste them curled up in bed next to a malevolent withered scrotum, even if he is incredibly wealthy.
“I really thought I’d only have to do five years of this, at the most. To be honest, I thought I’d hit the jackpot when Covid emerged and starting killing off loads of people in their 80s, but no, he only grew stronger through lockdown.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he sold his soul to the devil to ensure he outlives us all.”