British news presenters to go on strike until their employers remove any risk of encountering Mick Lynch

author avatar by 2 years ago

Senior broadcast figures on the nation’s airwaves are set to take industrial action, citing a huge increase in the risk of encountering a rogue trade union leader who makes them look like laughably predictable shit-stirring gobshites.

Kay Madeley, president of the Thoroughly Tamed Bobbleheads Union, said that the presence of a political figure who was completely unwilling to be deferential to their union’s members was a clear danger, and that as such, work would have to cease.

She went on, “It’s bad enough that he goes after politicians by calling them liars to their face when they lie or pointing out that Jonathan Gullis MP, affectionately known as The Braying Thug, is basically a message boy told to read out talking points by CCHQ.

“But he’s also been known to humiliate us when we’re trying to insult him into reacting badly by hiding behind some bullshit like an ‘anonymous tory source’ or ‘some people will say’. He’s completely feral!”

“Just yesterday, he sabotaged a completely normal interview where one of us asked him the same question six times in a transparent attempt to get him to break out into a snarl and threaten to kill the families of scabs.

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“He just laughed and stayed calm throughout. How are we supposed to be the next Paxman if we can’t even get some pleb to lose it on national television?

“The government has got to get involved and remove him from the airwaves. Until then, the British public will sadly be deprived of glorified announcers asking easily anticipated questions of politicians who literally go to training camps to deal with them.”