A leaked photo from inside Downing Street has shown the real reason for Boris Johnson’s ‘minor’ operation on his ‘sinuses’.
It is believed the prime minister’s nose had grown to over three feet in length following a fairly lengthy period of lying that included discussions over his now wife’s foreign office job offer, breaking international law, and any promises he made before the last election.
A source told us, “Generally speaking, we have to give the prime ministers nose a little trim every couple of weeks. Just an inch or two off the the end before it becomes too conspicuous in photographs.
“But this latest growth spurt took us all by surprise. It started when he was asked a couple of questions about whether he tried to get Carrie a £100k job in government when she was still his bit on the side, rather than his current wife – his nose just had started getting longer and longer, while we all just sat there and watched it grow. It was mesmerising to be honest.
“It got to the point where he was barely able to lift his head due to the extra weight hanging off the middle of his face, and so an emergency procedure to reduce the nose was the only viable option. Doctors have been telling for years to quit lying, but he says he can’t.
“Obviously we had to cancel a few things from today, and ‘sinus’ operation seemed the most plausible excuse – it’s always best to try to and keep the lies as close to the truth as possible.
“He’s also not the only minister with ‘sinus’ issues. Michael Gove is on his fourth septum.”