The government is “helping” you again.
As the price of petrol soared to over two pounds a litre at some stations, the public demand for the government to step in and do something has reached fever pitch.
“And so we are,” beamed Simon Williams, of the Department for Transport.
“Starting next week, when you fill up your tank, you’ll be offered the option to pay for it over the course of six months, at a very competitive rate of interest.
“Fill up today and you could pay it off in time for Christmas. It’s win-win! Another helping hand from your benevolent Conservative overlords.”
Driver, Mark Scales, muttered, “The fuck it is.
“Two quid a litre takes the piss, paying for it monthly with interest on top takes the piss AND the bladder it came from.”
Mark’s wife, Jenny, commented, “Any time the Conservatives offer to ‘help’ I start to go a bit woozy.
“A tank of fuel at the moment costs seventy quid, or ninety four quid if we go for the monthly payments and the interest on top.
“It’s not the version of ‘help’ I would typically dream of.”
Williams chuckled, “Wait until you hear about our new Dream Tax!”