Sunday 12 June 2022

Government to change law so it can scrape ‘oven ready deal’ into the bin


Boris Johnson oven ready deal

The government is keen to push through a change in the law so it can safely dispose of its ‘oven ready’ Brexit deal now that it has proven to be completely unpalatable to everyone who has tried to consume it.

Government spokesperson Simon Williams told reporters, “Yes, we know we told you this deal was oven-ready. We know we told you that this was the end of the renegotiations. But it turns out the deal was terrible and we need to renegotiate. Yes, it came as something of a complete surprise to us, too.

“It is essential that no one attempts to consume the oven-ready deal, as it will cause untold damage to your inner-workings, your passages will get clogged up and any healthy immune system will likely reject it outright.

“The best place for it is the bin, but we can’t put it in the bin without changing the law, because we stood right here telling you it was the best thing for you before the last election.

“Think of it like a product recall you see in the supermarkets, where a product has to come back because it turns out it’s full of rat shit. This is basically the same.”

Voters have welcomed the governments admission that the Brexit deal it negotiated was a load of old shite, but is somewhat surprised that the approach to fix it is to simple tear up an international treaty it willingly signed just over two years ago.

Derek Matthews told us, “The biggest surprise in all of this isn’t that it has gone terribly, terribly wrong – but that the government has taken 30 months to finally admit it.

“However, I suspect we’ll be right back here in another two years with the government saying ‘there was no way to predict the issues caused by us unilaterally breaking international law’, despite everyone predicting them right now.”

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