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High Street lenders have boosted Boris Johnson’s proposal, to let Universal Credit claimants use their benefits as income when applying for a mortgage, by saying they love lending money to people who will repay over 175 years and whose income depends on the whims of politicians.
In Kettering, financial expert and mortgage broker Simon Williams said that all the major banks are looking forward to processing applications from people that have been made so destitute they have to rely on food banks.
“It’s a masterstroke by the government. Bankers have long wanted to stop giving money to buy-to-let landlords with large property portfolios as collateral. After all, why else go into banking if it’s not to help others?
“So now they can finally lend to marginalised people who could see their benefits halve simply because a Tory minister wants to sooth Daily Mail readers who have been whipped into a gammonrage by stories about poor people owning flat screen TVs in 2022.
“Of course, that’s assuming they can use a third of their income for monthly repayments. But in that case we hope to see a whole new generation of homeowners in less than two centuries.”
Mr Williams insisted he was not taking the piss. But admitted that if he was, he’d point out that a plan to make homeowners out of people on the breadline would be more credible if it didn’t come from a party whose only two consistent ideas in the past decade have been a psychotic hatred of the poor and a fetish for increasing house prices.
