Tuesday 7 June 2022

Nadine Dorries claims Boris Johnson is the best man to lead the nation because he can throw a kettle over a pub


Nadine Dorries

Culture Minister Nadine Dorries has told reporters that Boris Johnson is clearly the perfect man to lead the country to a glorious future because she once saw him throw a kettle over a pub.

Dorries was defending Johnson on Twitter after he narrowly won a vote of no confidence in his leadership, as rumours began to unfold that he might be forced to resign from his position anyway.

However, she was at pains to explain that he can handle whatever comes his way thanks to his kettle throwing exploits.

She told her Twitter followers, “It was one of those big metal ones as well, over-arm, like a grenade – I think he was using some advanced military technique or something. You don’t mess with a man who can throw a kettle over a pub.

“I would say to Boris’ critics and those calling him for to resign, what have you ever done, eh?”

Boris supporters have leapt to the defence of the Mid-Bedfordshire MP and insisted that she might well be on to something when it comes to the future of the country.

Staunch Boris supporter Simon Williams told us, “Why don’t we just get Boris to tell Keir Starmer he has to give Boris another five years in power if he can throw anything they want over a pub.

“If he can do it, we win and they stay in opposition till 2027. This is the real election.”

Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer reacted with surprise at the kettle claims, and was ready to dismiss the suggested method of forming a government, saying “That is just ridiculous, you win if he can throw something over a pub?

“It’s not the most laughable thing I’ve heard from Nadine Dorries in the last couple of years, but it’s close.

“So, interests of entertainment, I’ll name this leather sofa.”

The full Boris-mocking collection is available here!

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