by 
Embattled Prime Minister Boris Johnson has called a new poll that shows he is marginally more popular than mould as ‘a decisive result’.
The survey polled over a thousand people with the question ‘would you rather spend a day with Boris Johnson or some mould?’ Just over 53% of respondents selected Boris Johnson.
“This is a tremendous, resounding victory,” said an ebullient Johnson.
“I think this now draws a line in the sand under the matter and proves once and for all that people prefer me to mould.”
Previous, similar polls for other Prime Ministers have always shown a much clearer victory for the Prime Ministers, with Margaret Thatcher, John Major, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, and Theresa May all having 100% of survey respondents preferring them to mould. Even David Cameron had 83% of people prefer him to mould. The Prime Minister’s supporters, though, claim that the margin of victory doesn’t matter.
“The key thing here is that Boris is more popular than mould,” said Michael Fabricant, who definitely isn’t mad.
“That’s the only statement that matters. You didn’t have people saying Theresa May is 100% more popular than mould. People just said that she was more popular than mould, just like Boris is now demonstrably more popular than mould.”
However, despite the triumphalism from the Prime Minister and his supporters, there is mounting concern that results in a new poll to discover whether or not Boris is more popular than farts may not be quite as successful.
The FULL Boris Johnson-mocking collection is here!
