by 
The Platinum Jubilee drew to a close last night with a spectacular four-hour orgy, featuring over 20,000 people.
There had been some concerns about the weather, and although there was some dampness in the air the orgy began as planned after Ed Sheeran had led the crowds in a rendition of ‘God Save the Queen.’
As the huge applause died down, the Queen smiled and said “have at it.” The entire crowd then stripped off and began snogging, groping, fondling, frigging, and frottaging with sexy patriotic gusto.
“Marvellous stuff,” said a tired, spent naked and sweaty Simon Williams as he smoked a post-orgy cigarette.
“I think everyone had a tremendous time out there. They all really put the effort in. I thought I was only going to be able to go off three times, but then I thought of the Queen and everything she’s done for us and I managed to go again one last time.
“What a wonderful woman.”
There was some disappointment that the Quen herself didn’t join in – the palace had cited ‘mobility issues’ as the reason – but she watched intently from the Buckingham Palace balcony and could be seen at one point saying to Prince Charles “one’s subjects are terribly horny, aren’t they?”
None of the other working members of the royal family joined the main orgy either but it is understood they had a private orgy amongst themselves later on. Prince Andrew, for obvious reasons, was kept in a locked room.
