Friday 3 June 2022 by Mark Molloy

Prince Andrew tests positive for ‘possibly being a nonce’


Prince Andrew

Prince Andrew has tested positive for possibly, or even probably being a nonce, it is revealed today. 

With news emerging that the Duke of York will miss the remainder of the Queen’s jubilee celebrations due to conveniently having Covid, further news has now emerged that the Prince has also tested positive this afternoon of ‘possibly being a nonce’.

A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace confirmed, “He might be a nonce.

“Unfortunately, the Duke of York will be unable to attend the remainder of the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations due to possibly being a nonce.

“This has obviously led to a slight change in the overall jubilee celebrations due to not wanting a nonce in all the photos for people to point at for years and years to come.

“Obviously this is very disappointing news for the whole Royal Family, but not so much a surprise having previously known he might be a nonce for some time.”

Asked if he might recover from being a nonce for any further celebrations later in the year we were told “We said ‘possibly’ a nonce.”

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