Jubilant Brits celebrate 70 years of knowing their place

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Across the nation, millions of servile people of all ages are ecstatic to confirm that they were born inferior by the will of God and that they love nothing more than to doff their caps to someone who rules over them just because she was born.

At a street party in Maidenhead, ruddy-faced simpleton and pensioner Simon Williams, wept tears of joy as he recalled an entire working life giving money to a billionaire whose ‘job’ involves nothing more than nodding along as people showed her things.

He went on, “It’s a special jubilee for me, as I was born the very same year she went from being a humble princess carefreely jetting around the world to a majestic Queen doing pretty much the same thing but now we call her ‘hard working’ for doing it.

“During that time she has shown an unwavering devotion to duty. Whether it’s sitting on a throne and reading barely two pages of legislative proposals or sitting on a comfy chair while people in costumes dance for her, she’s never complained.

“She’s a trooper. Every castle that needed staying in, every roast swan that needed eating, every jewel that needed putting in a crown, every law that needed amending to exclude royal estates; she always answered the call.”

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Mr Williams was adamant the monarchy was still relevant in 2022 and was desperately needed to unite the nation

“In these trying times we desperately need some unelected figurehead to throw money at because she’s better than us.

“I just feel sorry for those poor blighters who choose their own head of state. They will never know the joy of camping out on a street for three days just to wave at some bored old woman in golden carriage.”