Anti-monarchist willing to set aside deeply held views in favour of getting pissed at Jubilee street party

author avatar by 2 years ago

A man who frequently bores relatives with his repeated calls for the British monarchy to be abolished has decided to lay his deeply held convictions to one side in favour of getting pissed and eating cake with his neighbours.

“The Royal family are a festering parasitic drain on society,” he told us, trying without success to dial back his obvious contempt for the historic tradition of hereditary succession.

“They cost us money, give us absolutely nothing back, demand undue respect and reverence, and are completely unaccountable to the law or the taxman.”

He continued, “It’s ridiculous that in the twenty-first century we still have a ludicrous dungeons and dragons system whereby someone automatically becomes king or queen just because they won the lottery of life and fell out of the right vagina; the sooner we’re shot of them, the better.”

He added, “But that being said, Fred and Janet at number fifteen are having a street party tomorrow and apparently there’ll be ‘unlimited Pimms’, Steve from number thirty is making Jubilee cocktails, and Heather from number nineteen is bringing some of her delicious brownie traybakes and a Victoria sponge, so I think I might just pop along to show a bit of neighbourly spirit.

“I’ve got a bonus bank holiday off work after all, and that won’t happen again until old Liz pops her clogs.”