Wednesday 1 June 2022

If Keir Starmer receives no fine after police questionnaire it will prove his innocence, or be proof of a cover-up, agrees everyone


Keir Starmer beergate

If Keir Starmer does not get a fixed penalty notice for having a beer and a curry in a constituency office ahead of the Hartlepool by-election in April 2021, then it will either prove his compete innocence, or prove there has been a cover-up, according to everyone today.

After bother Starmer and his deputy, Angela Rayner, received police questionnaires about the Durham gathering, everyone has agreed that if Keir Starmer doesn’t get a fixed penalty notice, it will prove they were right.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “It was clearly just a simple meal while he and his colleagues worked on the by-election campaign, and absolutely not a social gathering, so when he doesn’t get a fixed penalty notice it will be definitive proof that no rules were broken and that parliament’s only criminal lives in Downing Street.”

However, neighbour Derek Matthews told us, “It was clearly a ‘boozy night in’ with friends, which wasn’t allowed at the time, so if he doesn’t get a fixed penalty notice it will be proof the police are corrupt and just wanted to help their buddy who used to run the Crown Prosecution Service.”

Both agreed that in the event Starmer doesn’t get a fine, it will be proof they were right all along.

When asked what it will mean if Starmer does get a fixed penalty notice, Williams told us, “Well, clearly it will mean the police and justice system are no longer independent and have definitely been influenced by the government, which is borderline fascism.”

However Matthews told us, “It will be proof that the police and justice system can act independently, that Starmer is a hypocrite and that parliament will be much better off without him.”

If anyone asks, this is a business meeting – get the T-shirt!

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