It’s an Energy Profits Levy, not a Windfall Tax, insists government with entirely straight face

The government has today introduced an Energy Profits Levy which it insists is not the windfall tax on excess energy profits that the opposition has been demanding for the best part of a year.

Chancellor Rishi Sunak announced the Energy Profits Levy in parliament, which will result in energy companies paying an extra 25% tax on the windfall created by increased energy prices.

Tory MP Simon Williams told us, “Just because something is a tax on a windfall, doesn’t make it a windfall tax – that was Labour’s idea. Our much better idea is for an Energy Profits Levy, which, instead of taxing an unexpected windfall, will instead apply a levy on unexpected excess profits.

“Yes, it’s very different, and we came up with the idea all on our own. I could explain the myriad of ways in which it is different, but it’s very complicated, mostly accountancy-speak, so it’s probably best you just take our word for it.

“I have to go now, but remember, not Labour’s idea, OUR idea, and it’s better, much better.”

Upon hearing the news, voter Derek Matthews told us, “Captain Hindsight strikes again, I guess. Though you didn’t have to be Nostradamus to predict this particular outcome. It would have been nice to get there a bit quicker though.

“However, if you want to know just how desperate the Tories are for some positive press after the whole partygate scandal, just remember that today they have announced – and widely celebrated – the idea of taxing the rich to the give to the poor. THAT’s how desperate they are.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the mug here!