Tuesday 24 May 2022 by Mark Molloy

The photo must be fake because his questionnaire said he wasn’t there, insist Met Police


Boris party photo

The Metropolitan Police have insisted today that they were unable to issue a fixed penalty notice to Boris Johnson after photographic evidence emerged of him clearly at a party, insisting the photo must be a fake because his completed questionnaire said he wasn’t there.  

With photos released late last night by ITV News of the prime minister drinking and toasting his colleague in front of a table full of booze while at a leaving party in lockdown, the police have looked to defend the outcome of their investigation by insisting that he definitely wasn’t there, according to his questionnaire answers.

A spokesperson for the Met confirmed, “He wasn’t there and didn’t do anything, it says so right there in his questionnaire.

“Whilst we appreciate that it appears there is now concrete evidence of the Prime Minister breaking the law for everyone to see, we simply have to assume this is an elaborate photoshop and trust our investigation – sorry, I mean trust the questionnaire we asked him to fill out.

“And fill it out the Prime Minister did, after passing it to his lawyers to fill it in for him saying he did not attend the party at which he has been photographed.

“Obviously the photographic evidence of him clearly at a party would normally be enough for a fine, but you know, he told us he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“What choice do we have? Believe some random photo that shows Boris clearly at a party full of booze, or the tick box that says ‘No’ when asked ‘were you there’? Obviously we have to believe him, and dismiss the photo as fake news.”

Asked if anyone else was fined for the leaving party in question we were told, “Yes, but they made the mistake of saying they were there on the questionnaire. Schoolboy error, really.”

The Boris is a lying twat collection – see everything here!

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