Tuesday 24 May 2022

‘How did we miss this?!’ screams furious police chief insisting detectives re-read Boris Johnson’s self-completed questionnaire


Angry policeman shouting

Met Police chiefs are furious today after damning evidence emerged suggesting the details of the questionnaire completed by Boris Johnson might not have been 100% truthful.

In a meeting room at New Scotland Yard, senior detectives investigating the lockdown breaches were berated by the ‘top brass’ in a grilling heard by many.

As one detective was overheard explaining, “But Guv, it says right here in black and white, in the document that he filled in for us, that he wasn’t at that party. I don’t know what more you could expect us to do?

“We sent them the questionnaires, we read the questionnaires when they came back, and then we took action based on what the questionnaires said – the whole investigation was completely by the book. If that book was called ‘The Worst Way Possible Way To Investigate Criminal Activity’.

Detectives were heard being asked if they believed asking criminal suspects to provide the evidence of their guilt via questionnaire was a reliable way to uncover wrongdoing.

“What else could we do? Go and talk them? Interview witnesses? Gather corroborating evidence? Sure – with an unlimited budget and 48 hours in a day, then maybe we could have done that. But we decided that a questionnaire that the suspects would complete themselves was definitely the way to catch them red-handed.

“I think it’s really unfair that we are being singled out for doing a terrible job of investigating these lockdown breaches just because of all the evidence that has come to light proving that we did a terrible job investigating these lockdown breaches.”

The Boris is a lying twat collection – see the full range here!

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