Monday 23 May 2022

Man confident his favourite pants still have a good couple of years left in them at least


lucky underpants

A man has today resisted attempts by his wife to throw out his favourite underwear, insisting they have another couple of years of comfortable wearing ahead of them, at the very least.

Simon Williams, 35, was asked this morning by his wife if she could throw them out after she went through the wash basket to do some laundry before work.

He told us, “I said no, obviously. Honestly, can you believe the nerve of that woman?

“I bought these boxer shorts in my 20s, when I was still young, free and single. My relationship with them has been longer than my marriage, so I am in no hurry to simply discard them as if they mean nothing to me. What sort of monster would want to throw them out?

“We’ve been through a lot, these boxers and me. We’ve shared important moments, and made incredible memories together, some of which I definitely can’t share with my now wife.

“Sure, the elastic is all but gone, the colour has faded around the crotch and the material is so threadbare over my taint that I might as well be commando down there, but they’re still my favourite pants.

“She will have to pry them from my cold dead hands.”

His wife Sharon told us, “It’s fine. He can hold on to them for now. I’ll just throw them out next week. and Trust me, he won’t even notice they are missing until Christmas, when his mother inevitably buys him some more.”

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