“In the beginning was the Big Bang…” begins surprisingly detailed Sue Gray partygate report

author avatar by 6 months ago

Sue Gray’s reporting into lockdown lawbreaking at Number 10 Downing Street is understood to have surprised even her closest colleagues with its impressive level of detail.

“I sneaked a look at it over the weekend,” said a junior aide to the civil servant.

“It begins with the line – ‘In the beginning was the Big Bang…’ – she then goes on to spend a chapter detailing the formation of the universe.

“I knew she wanted to be comprehensive, but this is a bit over the top, if you ask me.”

After the chapter on the formation of the universe, there are a few hundred pages on the evolution of the primordial soup, before the report spends time giving an overview of the history of Britain with particular emphasis on the history of government and parliament.

“The bit on the decline of the Whigs was fascinating, but I’m not sure how relevant it really is to the parties that happened during lockdown,” explained the aide.

“When she does get to the parties, you get brief histories of wine-making, businesswear fashions, games, snogging, snacks and an overview of the career of Shakin’ Stevens as someone did This Ole House at the karaoke.”

It is thought that the impressive level of detail is one of the reasons that it has taken so long for the report to be published.

The report apparently runs to over 3000 pages and has been reportedly optioned by Netflix for a 8 season adaptation.

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