There has been a rapturous reaction amongst several homeless communities this morning, following the news that they will no longer have to sleep on the streets of small, insignificant towns and will instead spend their nights under the lights of a big bright city.
By order of the Queen herself, they will soon be able to call themselves ‘city dwellers’ and hold their heads high, whilst enjoying the electric buzz of sophistication that will flood the likes of Doncaster, Milton Keynes and six other ‘new cities’ across the UK and its territories.
Simon Williams, who has been sleeping on the streets of Doncaster for more than three years now, said that this news will change his life and outlook forever.
He told us, “Honestly, when my wife died as the main breadwinner a few years back and I watched my life unravel, lost my house, fell into alcoholism, and was abandoned by the system, I’m ashamed to say that I had given up all hope.
“I’m invisible to most people, wish I was invisible to others and to be frank, I was coming to the end of my tether.
“But then this. I mean, what a lady. Of all of the things that she could have done from her 775 room palace, this is just completely selfless.
“Yesterday I was just a homeless bloke, today I am ‘metropolitan Bohemian’ and proud of it.”
It is believed that the government is confident that figures due to be published later this year, will show a significant drop in homeless people in towns across the UK.