Ryanair is to implement a new surcharge for all chemtrails dispersed during their flights.
The move threatens the global conspiracy behind the use of jets to disperse poison in the sky during high altitude flights made by all airlines.
Ryanair Chief Executive Michael O’Leary told reporters, “Everyone who has ever flown with Ryainair will know that nothing comes for free with us. Nothing. No one gets a free ride. So obviously we’re going to charge extra for Chemtrails.
“And your chemtrail paperwork better be printed out in triplicate before you arrive at the airport to load our planes with your poison, or it will cost you twice as much.”
However, business consultant Simon Williams cast doubt on the effectiveness of the chemtrail campaign.
He told us, “I dunno man, using chemtrails feel like a really crap way to poison everyone, if that’s what you are trying to do. And no one has really explained why a secret organisation is trying to poison everyone with the help of Ryanair and their competitors.
“I mean, if it were me, and I was trying and get chemicals into everyone’s lungs, I’d use garbage trucks. They drive past every home at least once a fortnight, and they already stink so no one is going to mind a strange smell if they leave one behind in a cloud of noxious gas.
“But then garbage trucks don’t make nice pictures for simpletons to post on social media while feeling like they’ve cracked the Da Vinci code.
“Honestly, either the people behind this conspiracy are the dumbest motherfuckers alive, or the people who believe they exist are.”