Monday 16 May 2022 by Pete Redfern

Finland has more than enough tractors to defeat a Russian tank invasion, confirms NATO


Finland Tractors

NATO are set to allow Finland to join their alliance, after calculating that they probably wouldn’t need military support in the event of a Russian invasion anyway.

Finland, who share a considerable border with Russia and who along with the rest of the world have witnessed the illegal invasion of Ukraine by the rogue state, confirmed their intention over the weekend to join the intergovernmental military alliance, an application which looks likely to approved.

Spokesperson for NATO Simon Williams told reporters, “We welcome this application from Finland to join the organisation.

“Especially as, after examining the number of tractors and farmers they have, we have calculated that they wouldn’t actually need military help from us at all in the event of Russian hostility on their border.

He explained, “One of the most surprising and heartwarming sights to emerge from the horror of the Ukraine conflict has been middle aged farmers using their tractors to steal Russian tanks and equipment, and I imagine that we would see similar similar behaviour in Finland.

“Those guys are used to felling huge trees and working in the pitch black of the arctic circle for a good part of the year, so using a tractor to shove a Russian tractor or two into one of their thousands of lakes shouldn’t be a problem for them at all.”

Russian president Vladimir Putin is said to be angered by the news of Finland’s intention to join NATO, but not as enraged as he was when Russia was banned from competing in the flamboyant spectacle of Eurovision 2022, which is rumoured to be his favourite television event of the year on account of all the topless, oiled up men dancing around on the stage.

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