Monday 16 May 2022 by James Backhouse

Expect Moldova to win Eurovision next year, says Putin


Putin Eurovision

Vladimir Putin has responded to Ukraine’s Eurovision victory with the ominous suggestion that Moldova are his top tip to win next year’s contest.

In a statement issued after the Eurovision result was announced, President Putin denounced Kalush Orchestra’s “neo-nazi breakdancing” and complained they should have been ineligible to win as Ukraine’s entry wasn’t actually a song but merely a “special musical operation”.

Putin went on to advise Eurovision fans to “expect a lot of interest in Moldova next year”, following this up with several winky-smiley emojis.

Fears that the war might spread to Moldova have intensified recently after Putin was encouraged by the recent success of the Russian military, specifically when the 9th May Victory Day parade successfully drove down a road in Moscow instead of running out of fuel thirty miles outside the city.

Meanwhile, Eurovision voters have been quick to clarify that their votes for Ukraine were in no way influenced by recent geopolitical events.

“No, my vote for Ukraine was entirely due to the song’s artistic merits,” explained viewer Simon Williams.

“I’m sure if only Sam Ryder had thought to enhance his song by sticking a pink tea cosy on his head and tootling away on the recorder then the UK would have carried away the prize this year.”

The Putin Wordle Mug!

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