The EU made us sign the Northern Ireland protocol by kidnapping our children and holding a gun to our head, insists Steve Baker

author avatar by 2 years ago

Eurosceptic MP and looney-tunes character Steve MP has today insisted the Northern Ireland protocol was signed under duress, because the nasty people at the EU had threatened the lives of everyone the government holds dear.

Baker, who went on television and kept a straight face while explaining that the deal he hailed two years ago is actually rubbish, has decided that he previously said it was a good deal only because he was fearful for his life.

The MP for Wycombe told viewers, “It was the EU, they came in the night and put a gun to my head. They said I should go about my business as normal during the election campaign and explain the deal would ‘get Brexit done’, and that it was ‘oven ready’ if we won the election.

“They said that if at any point I made any noises about how the Northern Ireland protocol could lead to the break up of the UK, or suggest in any way that the deal was a bad one, then I would have a bullet put through my head.

“That’s why I can sit here in front of you and keep a straight face when I explain the deal I previously said was brilliant, when I wanted to win your vote, is actually rubbish in practise now that it’s happening.”

Meanwhile, the EU has responded with a shrug to the accusations.

Chief negotiator Simon Guilliames told us, “Negotiating with the Brits is incredibly easy. They want things that will make them look good in the short term, even if they are bad for their country in the long term. It’s actually very easy to negotiate against venal egotists.

“The fact that Steve Baker has buyer’s remorse over the deal he and his colleagues lauded in 2019 is actually quite funny. Now he knows how millions of Brexit voters feel.”

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