Tuesday 10 May 2022 by Pete Redfern

Sir Keir Starmer loses confidence of Labour Party after Durham police investigation reveals he ordered a Korma and a plain naan


Keir Starmer

The leader of the opposition has been urged to consider his position after it emerged that he chose to order a dish from an Indian restaurant that a toddler could have easily eaten.

As part of their investigation into ‘beergate’, Durham Police have leaked the content of the takeaway order at the centre of the incident, surprising very few people in the process.

Disgruntled Labour party member Simon Williams told us, “Keir Starmer is a good, honest bloke, no doubt about it, and he didn’t break any lockdown rules with this gathering as it was a work meeting, and as such I do not believe he should have offered to resign if they give him a fixed penalty notice.

“However, you can’t demonstrate courage and expect to command the respect of the Labour Party – or voters, come to that – if you consider a Chicken Korma to be a ‘bit on the spicy side’.”

He added, “And who knew that they even did plain naans any more? I always go for garlic or keema, myself, but then I like food that has, you know, flavour.”

Starmer responded to the leak, telling reporters, “For a start, the term ‘Indian takeaway’ is not wholly accurate, as I’ve done my research and around eighty-four percent of so-called ‘Indian’ restaurants are in fact owned and run by members of the Bangladeshi community, and I feel that I should state that statistic on the record, for accuracy.

“However, I refute that my enjoyment of a Korma and plain naan is any reflection on my strength and courage as a leader – I had a teaspoon of mango chutney with the poppadoms, don’t forget.”

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