Bank robber criticised for putting undue pressure on the police by pledging to resign from job if found guilty

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An alleged bank robber has been criticised today for adding to the ‘mounting pressure’ on the police by pledging to resign from his job as an accounts clerk if he is convicted. 

Simon Williams, who allegedly robbed four different banks last month, revealed his pledge to resign earlier today after previously being accused of ‘refusing to the do the right thing’ when insisting he would wait until the outcome of the investigation before deciding if he should stay in his job, or not.

Speaking earlier he told us, “I hate to add to the pressure facing the police, and I’m sure the knowledge that the people they are investigating could lose their jobs if found guilty makes it almost impossible for them to pursue those who break the law, but offering to resign was the right thing to do.

“I am being investigated by the police for a string of violent robberies, which I may or may not have done, but obviously if I am to be found guilty, then it is only right that I leave my job. If that makes the investigating team’s job more difficult, then I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is.

“It’s the least I could do really, because although I am charged with threatening the lives of bank tellers and customers, I could not in good conscience keep my job if I’m found guilty – I’m not a complete monster.”

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Asked to comment on the news that Williams will resign from his job if convicted, a Greater Manchester Police spokesperson told us, “Oh Christ, how are we supposed to investigate him properly now?

“Will all criminals PLEASE stop insisting they will happily face the consequences of their actions. It makes our lives as professional investigators impossible.

“How can we properly investigate someone when we know they will not only face consequences of their actions, but that they will face them willingly?

“I’ve been doing this job for thirty years, and criminals offering to do the honourable thing is the most difficult challenge we’ve ever faced.”