Wednesday 4 May 2022 by Mark Molloy

Unemployed man to stop buying his children fillet steak as genius MP advises families to buy ‘value brands’


family to cut down on steak for dinner

An unemployed father of three is to stop buying fillet steak for his children for their evening meal following some genius advice from an MP for families to consider buying ‘value brands’ instead. 

Simon Williams, who also buys organically grown Jersey Royals and fresh tender stem broccoli to accompany the steak, revealed his news earlier after watching MP George Eustice on TV providing desperate poverty stricken families with some amazing advice on how to do their shopping.

Speaking earlier he told us “I’d never realised that supermarkets do this thing where they have ‘value brands’ that are cheaper than the other brands. I honestly never even thought of buying cheaper brands, let alone ‘value brands’ the guy is a fucking genius.

“I normally like to have some fillet steak with the kids on a Monday, or perhaps a little line-caught fresh seabass with a nice bottle of Chateauneuf-du-Pape to wash it down.

“Then we go for a little duck al orange on a Tuesday just to mix things up a bit before deciding on a combination of lobster, steak, or caviar options throughout the week.

“Obviously it costs a lot of money and I have very little money in order to feed my family, but like I say, I’d simply never considered the idea of buying cheaper options because I’m clearly a fucking idiot.

“Thankfully Mr Eustice has come on TV to give us this ingenious advice and we can now afford some heating for half an hour.”

Asked what they are having for their evening meal tonight we were told, “Non branded Super Noodles and shit baked beans I suppose.”

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