Wednesday 4 May 2022 by Neil Tollfree

Republicans ‘to explore’ banning women


US Capitol building

The Republican Party, who have been instrumental in pushing for a potential ban on abortion, are to look into the possibility of removing women’s basic right to exist.

“It’s certainly something I’d be supportive of,” said Senator Chuck Williams, a racist and criminal who has fast become a rising star in the party.

“I think that we’d be a better, more Christian society if we didn’t have any women, with their expensive hair products and screechy voices. Banning them outright would certainly be a step on the way back to making America great again.”

Although there is unlikely to be any immediate federal ban on women, Republicans will be pushing for Individual states to have the freedom to decide whether or not women should be banned at a state level. This would almost certainly lead to the southern, more staunchly religious states to remove the rights of women to exist at the first opportunity.

“S’in the bible,” said Obadiah Fuckhead, a preacher from Alabama.

“’And did our Lord, begat unto Jonah, that he should lead the women into the wilderness’ – s’in there, alright. Somewhere near the back. This here’s a good Christian country. Sooner we follow the teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ and get rid us of all them women, the better for everyone.”

Whilst the Democrats are in favour of women retaining the right to exists, Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have indicated that they might be interested in supporting such plans and would like more information.

Always vote for the side with the fewest arseholes – get the T-shirt here!

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