Elsie sent to Rwanda

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Elsie, the struggling 77-year-old pensioner whose tragic plight was put to Boris Johnson during an interview with a woman who is not Lorraine, has seen her fortunes change after he personally intervened to have her sent to a nation where it’s warm year round.

Dazza Williams, the Immigration Enforcement Officer who was instructed to ‘deal with that woman’, confirmed Elsie was one of the very first people to be put on a flight to the sun-kissed African paradise of Rwanda.

He explained, “It was such a lovely moment. Normally, it’s always a lot of drama what with the ‘customer’ screaming that they’ll be tortured to death within a day of landing and us laughing at them as we put on the handcuffs.

“But with Elsie, it was a much more mellow affair. We simply knocked on the door, told her she’s going somewhere balmy on the orders of the PM and she got into the van without a fuss.

“She was very polite to everyone and even told me I reminded her of her late husband after I told her she was going on a special holiday. I’ll admit I would have found it hard to use pepper spray on her had she wanted to call a human rights lawyer. Or at least I would have felt bad about it.”

Officer Williams said the move was likely permanent when asked if Elsie might come back to the UK.

He went on, “I somewhat doubt it. The hostel for victims of genocide that we had cleared out for our asylum seekers is quite far from anything . Also we destroyed her passport as soon as the plane took off.

“She kept her bus pass, though. Boris was very insistent on that.”