Taliban praises US Supreme Court for plans to clamp down on women’s rights

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After a leaked majority opinion suggested that the US Supreme Court could be on the verge of overturning the landmark Roe vs Wade decision, Taliban officials in Afghanistan have welcomed the move and praised the regressive thinking behind it.

Overturning an almost fifty-year-old decision that protects a pregnant woman’s liberty to choose to have an abortion without excessive government restriction would make the United States a much more pleasant land, according the Afghanistan’s new leadership, who spoke in glowing terms of the US’ highest court.

Taliban spokesman, Sayid Faizilliams, told us, “We are delighted to see our brothers in the United States clamping down on the scourge that is ‘women’s rights’.

“Women making decisions about their own bodies will lead to them wanting to make more decisions about other things that affect them personally, and before you know it, women will be thinking they are equal under the law.

“We are relieved to see that our American brethren recognise this dangerous risk to our way of life, and that they are taking steps to reduce the rights of women under the law. 

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“Sure, they could definitely go a bit further with the whole ‘subjugating women’ thing, but this is an excellent first step and we look to them enacting further restrictions on the women of America.

“This may take some time, obviously. The caliphate will not be built in a day.  But as you’ve seen, the Taliban is willing to play the long-game when it comes to female subjegation.

“In the meantime, the American Taliban have our full support. Should they be looking for ideas on what to do next, then all they need to do is call.”

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