Monday 25 April 2022 by Neil Tollfree

“They’ve all got boobs” – women urged to stop distracting Boris


Boris distracted by boobs

A Tory backbencher has claimed that the PMs recent problems are due him being distracted by women’s breasts.

“It’s terribly tricky for the PM,” said 104-year-old Sir Simon St John Williams, MP for Upper Buttocks in Wiltshire.

“He’s trying to get on with the difficult business of running a country and you’ve got all these damned gels running around with boobs.

“I defy any man not to be distracted if he sees some young filly and she’s got these knockers. Your mind gets to wondering about what she’d look like braless, and then before you know it the entire afternoon’s gone.”

Sir Simon claimed it was particularly difficult for the PM.

“Course it is. He’s a good Private School man. Not used to being surrounded by all these damn women with all their womanly affectations. You know where you are when you’re dealing with a chap. They don’t have boobs. They just have a normal chests and therefore nothing to distract you.”

He went on to issue a plea to women.

“I would ask all you good patriotic English women to remember that you’ve got boobs and those boobs can be distracting to Boris, particularly now, when there’s a war on, so do your best to stop distracting him, eh? Jolly good.”

His message to Boris was simpler.

“Don’t worry. Perfectly normal for a young chap to be distracted by boobs. When you grow up, you’ll find it far easier to deal with gels without being distracted by their various parts.”

The Boris Johnson collection, for all your Boris mocking needs!

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