‘I am too stupid to understand my own laws’ insists man in effort regain confidence of nation

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Boris Johnson has admitted to being too stupid to understand his own simple laws in an attempt to convince the nation that he is definitely the right man to continue leading us.

Johnson explained that he did not believe he broke any laws at the time of his Downing Street parties, in a stunning admission that despite his expensive education he is unable to understand basic instructions when in their written form.

Political correspondent Simon Williams told us, “It’s a brave move, certainly. In any other line of work, highlighting your inability to understand and follow simply instructions, especially instructions you actually wrote, would be a good way to find yourself shepherded through the nearest exit door – but for some reason Boris seems to think this the way convince people to let him keep his job.

“If it works, the ‘I am too stupid to be held accountable’ line may well become known as the ‘Boris defence’ in future. But honestly, what sort of ludicrously moronic electorate would accept such a line from its leader? And not only accept it, but give him a pack on the back for admitting he is not very bright?”

Voter Derek Matthews told us, “I think Boris deserves a pat on the back for admitting he didn’t understand his own laws that he wrote himself.

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“There is a lot going on, like the war in Ukraine, and the fact that this war was several months away when Boris broke the law doesn’t mean he can’t use the war as an excuse today.

“He is a simple man doing his best despite obvious learning difficulties that he has now told us about, so it’s definitely the right decision to leave him in charge of the nuclear codes.”

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