Tuesday 19 April 2022

You should all go back to commuting to the office, insists man who paid £5m for a house 400 yards from his office


Jacob Rees-Mogg

It’s high time every civil servant went back to working in the office, according to Jacob Rees-Mogg who was able to spend £5m on a townhouse to reduce the commute to his luxurious parliamentary office to just 400 yards.

Rees-Mogg, who has been dutifully standing up for the hard-done-by corporate landlords across the country, insists that people should get back to making tedious commutes to unpleasant working conditions instead of working from home, because if they don’t, some of his friends are likely to find themselves sitting on depreciating assets.

Mogg told reporters, “I understand that people don’t like to commute, and that they see it as completely wasted time in an economy that has proven over the last two years that people can be perfectly productive at home, all while maintaining a much healthier work life balance – but that’s not going to keep London commercial rents at an attractive rate for investors, is it?

“If civil servants really don’t want to have commute for three or more hours a day to a dour fluorescently-lit government office, then simply move closer to your job, like I did. I moved my family into a five-story townhouse just a five-minute walk from the houses of parliament and all it cost me was £5m.

“I have proven that if you really want to work in London, it’s possible to do it without a significant commute. It’s a bit like Brexit, you just need to believe harder.

“And anyway, if civil servants insist on ignoring my instruction to go back to the office, I’ll just get that nice chap from Britain First to pop round and gently encourage them.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt HERE!

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